You want a quiet, low-key wedding. Everything starts off just fine. But as time passes more and more people stick their oar in and it’s beginning to look like you’re going to end up with exactly the kind of wedding you didn’t want. How to keep your wedding under control without causing offence, and enjoy a day that’s your kind of special, not someone else’s?

How to have the kind of wedding you really want

We don’t all want an all-singing, all-dancing wedding stuffed with hundreds of guests, with a sit-down meal and dancing all night. If that’s not your style, you’re more of a reserved couple and really don’t want to be put under too much of a spotlight, how do you keep the arrangements under control? Here are some tips for getting the wedding you want.

How to keep your wedding under control 101 – Put yourselves first

This is your big day. It isn’t your family’s big day, your mum’s big day, your mates’ big day. Now’s the time to get firm and stay firm. If there’s any chance other people are going to want to take over, make it clear from the offset that you are in charge. Polite and determined is the name of the game. Some people might get a bit sniffy about it but it’s your day, after all. Not theirs.

Keep control of your own wedding guest list

You had a nice, short wedding guest list. Then your mum / auntie / sister / friend took over and it’s turning into a monster. The only way to keep full control of your own guest list is to handle it yourself and not let anyone else get their mitts on it. Alternatively hand it over to your wedding planner with strict instructions not to add extra guests at the request of your family. There’s no reason at all why you should have to invite people you don’t like, haven’t seen for years or for some reason feel obliged to invite. If the family doesn’t like it, they’ll get over it.

Everyone has their own idea about what ‘short guest list’ means. Explain to your folks that you’ve always dreamed about a small, intimate big day, and stick to your guns.

Keep within your own budget – don’t borrow £££ from family

If you have to ask your folks for money to fund the wedding, they will feel they have the right to meddle. For genuine independence it’s best to pay for it all yourself, not borrow from others. You might need to spend longer saving up, but at least your wedding will be your own.

Learn the fine art of saying ‘no’ beautifully

There are ways to say no, and ways not to. This article is brilliant, revealing three ways to say ‘no’ without causing offence.

This one is equally good, 10 guilt-free strategies for saying no. Here’s an example taken from the article:

• Request: Your third cousin asks to bring her boyfriend-of-the-month to your $150-a-plate wedding reception
• What you should say: “We’ve already had to make so many tough decisions to get the guest list down to size. We really can’t squeeze in/afford another guest. But I would love to have you two over for drinks sometime so I can meet him.”
• Why it works: If you illuminate some of your behind-the-scenes planning, your cousin may get a clue about the inappropriateness of the request.
• Why you shouldn’t feel guilty: It’s your party and your pocketbook, says author Patti Breitman
• How to avoid the situation in the future: Make a few calls before you put together the guest list to see if there are new additions you should consider as you plan.

Buy the book!

The subject is so important there’s even a book about it. If you anticipate issues and want to head them off at the pass, try How to Have The Wedding You Want (Not the One Everyone Else Wants You To Have), by Danielle Claro. It’s available on Amazon. As the bumph on Amazon says:

A wedding guide for the bride-to-be who wants to break tradition and minimize stress. With strong support and a sense of humor, Claro offers creative choices, realistic strategies, and advice on how to withstand the pressure of family, friends, and “experts” and have a unique and affordable wedding.

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